


Research

by Aedemiel



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Drunken Confessions, Fluff, Fluff with a hint of pining, In Vino Veritas, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:53:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22246633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aedemiel/pseuds/Aedemiel
Summary: “S’then I realized… Research. I hadda research the sex thing. Wi’ no internet. Not even books really.” He paused and looked at Aziraphale for confirmation.The angel shook his head. Unable to help himself, he asked, “So how did you research it?”“Well,” the demon swayed as he sat upright. “A’first I figure I jus’ watch people, y’know. But people get… upset when y’do tha’.”“You don’t say,” Aziraphale muttered.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 185





	Research

Crowley was very, very drunk, which was, of course, the intention. Aziraphale was at least as sozzled as he was, holding forth on the relative merits of two movie adaptations of Little Women, neither of which Crowley had seen, and the book which Crowley hadn’t read.

“Are you even listening t’me?” the angel demanded.

“Not really,” Crowley admitted. 

“Ugh!” Aziraphale said, trying to get out of his chair to refill his glass and failing. Crowley raised a hand to do it for him but the angel shook his head and with supreme effort, managed to attain an upright position. He staggered over to the couch and refilled his glass unsteadily from the bottle on the coffee table before dropping down beside Crowley.

“Y’wanna talk abou’ summin’ else?” 

Crowley shrugged, his brain too soaked in wine to make thought processes easy. “D’you remember the firs’ time y’were really… prop..ly drunk?”

“Vaguely,” Aziraphale said, tilting his head back. “Y’were there. Unh… Athens.”

A slow grin spread across Crowley’s face. “Wasss… Washn’t my firs’ time.” he paused, searching for the point he was trying to make.

“I fell…” Aziraphale said slowly, ignoring Crowley. “Offa roof.”

The demon laughed with delight. “Yeah, y’did. My firs’ time, I was in… Memphis. The one in Egypt.”

“No Elvis,” Aziraphale said sagely.

“No Elvis,” Crowley agreed. Where was he going with this? “Wha’abou’... sex?”

Aziraphale went still. “Crowley, I don’ think--”

“I wassn’t innerested, at first. Looked… stupid. Couldn’t see th’point unless… babies. M’not makin’ babies.”

Aziraphale realized he wasn’t quite as drunk as Crowley was because this ramble was even more incoherent than the last. He watched the demon top off both their glasses and then tip the bottle upside down.

“All gone,” he pronounced.

“So… so… Wha’wass I sayin’?” Aziraphale hoped he might not remember. “Oh, yeah. Sex.” Bugger.

“So… I was sayin’ it was a’least, dunno, mebbe a mill… llill… thousan’ years till.. Y’know. Got round to thinking about it.” The demon shifted to look more directly at Aziraphale, those yellow eyes dilated and unfocused. “Wasn’ as easy as I thought.”

Aziraphale found himself caught between curiosity and fear as to how to respond. Curious about Crowley’s story, afraid he would at some point circle back to him. Crowley made the decision for him.

“See, I figured… y’know, it would be… I dunno. Obvious.” He grinned. “S’not like there was the internet back then.”

Aziraphale settled back and relaxed. This was going to be one of those rambling tales Crowley sometimes told when drunk. Usually, he passed out before getting to the end.

“Anyway. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Sex. So I thought… _I thought_ that y’know you and th’other… person would, like, know. And, just go off and do it.” A shadow crossed Crowley’s face, surprising Aziraphale and unsettling him a little. Every so often one of Crowley’s stories would get really, really dark.

“S’then I realized… Research. I hadda research the sex thing. Wi’ no internet. Not even books really.” He paused and looked at Aziraphale for confirmation.

The angel shook his head. Unable to help himself, he asked, “So how did you research it?”

“Well,” the demon swayed as he sat upright. “A’first I figure I jus’ watch people, y’know. But people get… upset when y’do tha’.”

“You don’t say,” Aziraphale muttered.

“But, I keep… goin’. Researchin’. Talkin’ to people. Took a while.” That shadow was there again. “Bu’ I still din’t get the mos’ important bit. I unnerstood the _mechanics_ , that sounded easy enough. Bu’ not the mos’ important bit.”

“How long did it take to... to get to that point?” Aziraphale couldn’t decide if he needed to stop drinking or drink more.

“Huh, I dunno. Gotta be a few more o’those mill things." He paused. "I was stuck, see. Could see attractive people ever’where. But tha’s no good if they don’ wan’ you back. And I’m… diss...diss…avan… eh, y’know wha’ I mean. The eyes.”

“But you can disguise them,” the angel said, not sure what the problem was.

“O’course. _O’course_ I can disguise ‘em. But iss not so good.” Aziraphale didn’t know what that meant.

“An’ people go aroun’ _dyin’_ ” Crowley shoved his hair away from his face. 

“I, well, I probably shouldn’t say this, but humans do uh have relations without sticking around for the long term,” Aziraphale commented, cringing as he did so.

“Yeah,” Crowley sighed. “But, still, the eye thing. An’ anyway, tha’ wasn’t the real problem.”

Aziraphale was still puzzling over Crowley’s obsession with using an illusion to make his eyes seem normal. So he wasn’t prepared for what came next.

“The real problem…” The demon took a deep breath. “The real problem was I din’t want any of _them.”_ He paused once more. “Bu’ the one person I did want… Didn’t want me.”

The shadow was back. Aziraphale was nonplussed, this conversation had veered all over the map and he was unexpectedly confronted with feeling sorry for Crowley. Whoever the person was who had rejected him was, it was their loss. 

“I’m sorry, Crowley,” he said. “That must be hard.”

“S’OK,” Crowley replied. “I get it, y’know. You bein’ an angel and all.”

Aziraphale went cold. No, surely Crowley didn’t mean…

“So, anyway, I prolly shouldna said any of this. I don’ wan’ y’to think I’m pinin’ away or anything.” 

Aziraphale didn’t know what to say. And Crowley had left just enough unsaid that he wasn’t one hundred percent sure that the demon was talking about him as the target of his affections. _I’m a coward_ , he thought miserably.

“I’ve put it behind me,” Crowley declared. “It’s all in the past now.” 

“In the past? How long ago are we talking?”

“Ohhh, fi...five…sss...”

Centuries? He could live with it if Crowley had told him this as a historical artifact. ‘I used to fancy you five hundred years ago’ didn’t sound too terrible. 

“...econds ago.”

_Oh._

Crowley squinted at the clock. “Time to sober up and go home, I think.”

Aziraphale wasn’t sure he wanted to sober up. He was feeling bad enough about the whole situation and he was still drunk. But it wasn’t polite to stay drunk when the other person was sobering up. So he took a deep breath and burned the alcohol out of his system.

Sober, but too tired to move, he tried to think of what to say next. What did come out of his mouth surprised himself.

“Five seconds ago?”

“More like ten, now,” Crowley said listlessly. 

“So that’s it then? No more uh… thoughts?”

“ _No,_ ” Crowley said in a firmer voice. He stood up, looking awkward and angry, most likely at himself by the expression on his face. 

“It seems like a pity,” Aziraphale said tentatively. “I mean, you did all that research.”

Crowley’s face was now awkward, self-berating and confused.

“Are you sure this person didn’t want you back? Is it possible they had no idea you felt this way?”

Crowley’s eyes widened but he didn’t answer.

“Seems to me, your research left something out.” Aziraphale plowed on, aware he might be making a complete tit of himself. “You learned everything about… it… except how to ask the question.”

“No, I looked into that,” Crowley said softly. “I just…” He swallowed. “I couldn’t get your attention. I was trying to be subtle, y’know, so that if you had no idea what I was talking about you wouldn’t suspect anything...oh.”

Aziraphale looked at him expectantly.

“Buggering fuck.”

The angel stood up, more confident now he was on solid ground. He stalked towards Crowley slowly and deliberately. Crowley was shaking, wide yellow eyes riveted on his. Faster than a striking snake, he pinned the demon against the wall and crushed their mouths together. 

Crowley wasn’t the only one who had done some research.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
